3 hours of MTV IV

Even the videos from the vault are repeated on MTV, hence the return showing for Parklife, All Rise, Bohemian Like You, Groovejet and Let Forever Be this week.

Even the videos from the vault are repeated on MTV, hence the return showing for Parklife, All Rise, Bohemian Like You, Groovejet and Let Forever Be this week.

Dido - Don't leave home again

Black Eyed Peas - Hey Mama again

Usher again

George Michael again

D12 again

Natasha Bedingfield again

The Darkness again

Liberty X must be given points for their willingness to a) release a bootleg as a single (admittedly the year after Sugababes' Freak Like Me) and b) appear in the video for Being Nobody as inspectors of their own conveyor belt of soulless pop. Featuring the real actual Pop Trash-heap!

N.E.R.D. again

Beyonce - Naughty Girl again

The video for Alanis's new track, Everything, seems to be trying to beat the record for most pointless visual effects ever. The song is much as you'd imagine. She has a haircut now.

Robbie Williams again

The Rasmus again

Keane again

The Streets again

Blue again

Alicia Keys again

Britney again

Clash of the sauce titans! In this corner, Beyonce, capable of writhing around in a chain-mail bikini at the drop of a hat! In the other corner, Sean Paul, incapable of not having a girl wirthing around him even while claiming his undying lurve. The winner is the piano that stomps all through the Baby Boy.

Christina Milian again

It is a good thing that in this day in and age, we can watch an all-black version of Smokey and the Bandit where the hero's goal is to haul hotties cross-country to black up some redneck country fans... well, some of it is a good idea, and the only man for the job is pre-bandaid Nelly, in the video for Ride Wit Me.

Sugababes - In The Middle again

Radiohead featuring Redman! Well tragically not, but until that day comes, here's Christina Aguilera, with DIRRTY. It has motorbikes, it has female boxing, it has break dancers. But most importantly it has Redman clobbering a bloke in a bunny suit. A video, and a song, that is impossible not to enjoy.

The Streets again

Outkast again

Maroon 5 - This Love again

The Black Eyed Peas - Hey Mama again

Can't Stop is the Chili Peppers video "inspired by the one-minute scultpures of Erwin Wurm", and to be honest it'll be hard to top. Nothing to do with the subject of the song (whatever it is), just a series of fantastic images - With Household Objects! Though a shot at the end reminds us that Flea is basically just funny looking by himself.

Snow Patrol again

The Darkness again

I can imagine the meeting where an up-and-coming video director is talking to Madonna (and/or her people) and says "Yes, I've heard Frozen a couple of times, nice little tune. I have just three words for you: Goth. As. Fuck." Apart from the bit where there's a ray of light DO YOU SEE?

Beyonce - Naughty Girl again

It seems to be a pattern that whenever I hear a song I like on the radio and I don't know who it's by, it's by the Sugababes. And Too Lost In You is no exception. The video makes it clear that it's from the Motion Picture Love, Actually, but the clips it shows only really have a heft if you've seen the film, reducing this fine song to a tie-in. The difference between "you may also like..." and "You will remember..."

Eamon again

Blur again

Usher again

Maroon 5 - Harder To Breathe again

Dido - Don't Leave Home again

D12 again

Fefe Dobson again

Haha Chris Martin looks much younger with hair, even if it's coldly plastered down as in Yellow. All I remember from the video is him walking along a beach. It turns out there isn't really anything more.

The Rasmus again

Amy Studt again

Natasha Bedingfield again

Britney again

What an astonishingly confused video for No Doubt's Don't Speak. Adam in the Garden, jump-around concert footage (though not to this song, surely) then a photo shoot. I suppose it's about how this is the raw No Doubt, and don't worry kids, they won't sell out. Well that worked out fine. Also the song goes on forever.

Sugababes - In The Middle again

Blink 182 again

Outkast again

N.E.R.D. again

The Darkness again

Unwanted information no 3: the "I like to party, everybody does" song is by Oliver Cheatham and Room 5. The video looks like it's made in Flash, which you'd think would be interesting. If you'd never seen Flash.

Christina Milian again

Beyonce - Naughty Girl again

3 hours of MTV V

All up to date now (for the next 45 minutes!)

Beyonce - Naughty Girl again

Britney again

Natasha Bedingfield again

It is a little unfortunate that the singer of Franz Ferdinand has all the visual charisma of Alex from Blur: fine in little doses, not great for three and a half minutes. It doesn't help that the director of the video for Matinee - a fine spiky song about how life's never as good except when staring at the silver screen - has spotted the school-era of the song and gone craaazy with any idea they've ever had about public schools.

Spiller Feat Sophie Ellis Bextor again

Sugababes - In The Middle again

Keane again

Maroon 5 - This Love again

Usher again

Janet Jackson again

It says something about the standard of the arts these days that I'm not certain whether the video for Superman Lovers' Starlight is incredibly ugly CGI or an incredibly ugly example of a more conventional art - claymation perhaps, or puppetry. The track itself is french house in a sub-Stardust vein.

The Rasmus again

George Michael again

Snow Patrol again

D12 again

The Dandy Warhols again

Eamon again

Jamelia - Thank You again

N.E.R.D. again

There is probably an interesting and catchy song about teenagers not shagging, but Don't Tell Me isn't it. The subject matter is a lot more difficult to tackle without creating an instant kitsch classic, and the rest of the song is rubbish simply because it's Avril Lavigne, and she hasn't gotten past "Hey look, I can spread this word over several bars!"

Blue again

Beyonce - Naughty Girl again

Black Eyed Peas - Hey Mama again

The Streets again

Britney again

3 Doors Down again

By all rights, the video for All The Small Things shouldn't work: it's taking the piss out of boybands, while producing one of the finest pop tunes of the last 5 years. It manages this by pinpoint accuracy in its parodies: Blink-182 are actually pretty good dancers, among other things.

Natasha Bedingfield again

Kylie Minogue - Red Blooded Woman again

Dido - Don't Leave Home again

Sugababes - In The Middle again

Linkin Park - In The End again

Usher again

The video for No Doubt's cover of It's My Life leaves me as speechless as the song. I'm not usually one to talk "travesties".. so I won't.

The Rasmus again

Christina Milian again

D12 again

There's no clue in the video for Good Charlotte's The Anthem about whether they're taking the piss or not. The video is basically lollapalooza around an emptied swimming pool, with the vocalist singing about how he doesn't want to be "just like you" to the assembled cartoon indie kids. But then, indie kids are generally pretty cartoon, bless 'em. One way or another, the video never blinks.

Franz Ferdinand - Matinee again

Eamon again

Fefe Dobson again

Red Hot Chili Peppers - By The Way again

N.E.R.D. again

Nelly Furtado - Try again

Maroon 5 - This Love again

Beyonce - Naughty Girl again

Madonna - Frozen again

Britney again

Hooray, Ash are back! Orpheus is classic ASh: harmonies, girls, tricky middle bit, and more cars than usual. It's brilliant.

Chemical Brothers again

Snow Patrol again

Natasha Bedingfield again

Blink 182 - I Miss You again

Avril Lavigne again

Sugababes - In The Middle again

Everybody's Changing proves that Keane have discovered the 303 - and put it to the same use as Travis would.

Blur again

Usher again

Maroon 5 - Harder To Breathe again

The Streets again

The Rasmus again

Alanis Morissette again

3 hours of MTV III

This is actually from not last Sunday, not the Sunday before that, but actually the one before that. Only sheer unadulterated sloth has held it over to what Now! Magazine is calling Beckham Crisis: Week 2.

The Darkness again

Beyonce - Naughty Girl a lot of burlesque for a not very good song.

Maroon 5 again

Outkast again

Snow Patrol again

I'm not particularly familiar with Blue, I know they've been around a while as a boy band but never had a track to fit their name to. So now know I know they're behind the courtroom-based All Rise, which I've heard a bit around without fully getting the extent to which it follows it's theme. I have to wonder how this sort of song gets written - does some guy keep a notebook full of ways in which bits of life can imitate heartbreak and when a category is full it's song time? Or does he sit down and think "today I'm going a song about love and the legal process"? It's actually really good at what it is - the protagonist is laying out his case on the grounds that he loved her and provided for her, but like all these type of songs he's singing to the echo chamber of his head, and you get the impression he can't even get a fair break there. A little awkward to talk about the protagonist when there's four people singing, but good enough for the Beatles etc. The video is quite dull - they sit down on stools in the dark at first, then the lights come up, then they stand up, then they each jump around - quite reminiscent of a strippers act, really (Call Morris McWhirter! I've made the most original observation ever!)

I've already done The Rasmus once, but they're back with a brand new video for In The Shadows, which is an improvement over the Frozen-meets-Virtual-Insanity of the first one, but only just. It's about a Victorian maid who feels the strange call of a modern concert by The 'mus, and is pulled through time and space, because they Really Understand Her.

Get Busy, in which Sean Paul goes to a party, and some pretty ladies dance. The world trembles.

Dido is strange. She's a whipping-girl around ILX and so being contrarian I sometimes think "she can't be that bad". And occasionally I hear something like Don't Leave Home off her current album Alanis Morissette Died For My Sins, and I think "fair play, she's written a song about heroin". Then I see the video, and realise that she really is just writing a song about how she will be the only thing you'll ever need, and her love will keep you warm. Eek.

Britney again.

Janet Jackson again.

The video for the still annoyingly listenable If This Ain't Love (featuring the birth of Ms Plastic Fanstastic) appears to have only one joke - that asian people are very short compared to Mr. Spiller. Fortunately, it has the same hidden joke as every Jamiroquai track - the performer is a twat and everyone knows it.

Usher again.

Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face: die die die (but first record an album of Clocks-like anthems to be released whenever I need a pick-me-up, please)

Thanks to the internet, I have an album full of Streets loops, where each song is just 10 seconds repeated for the full length of the song. It's actually made the waiting so much worse. As has the gem of a single You're Fit But You Know It. Which sounds a lot more like Madness than I would have imagined.

Sugababes again.

The Black Eyed Peas again.

Bleeping a video for D12 can obviously cause problems, but most of the lyrical flow on My Band comes through fairly clearly. The song is about how Eminem is pissed off that he's the only person people recognize in D12, and it's pretty good, but the it flags in the second half, where the rest of D12 get a verse to echo the same sentiments. It's quite strange, because it doesn't really go anywhere - it's conflict without resolution. And also because it's pretty obvious why this is the case: only one of the people in the band is Eminem. It's like a Blur single sung by Dave Rowntree about how no-one ever remembers him.

I haven't heard of Eamon before but his @£$% You (I Don't Want You Back) is either a genius idea - a sweary song which creeps up on you in it's Robbie Neville/Charles & Eddie disguise before you actually recognize what's going on, which MTV have fucked up by bleeping it, or a completely genius idea - IE the above but with the ahhs and stabs and other cover-up sounds as integral parts of the music. If it is the latter it should probably be pointed out that it was Chris Morris' genius idea first.

Come Into My World is from the period when Kylie was destroying the sound of Kylie in favour of being a daft punk-like robot. The video is clever but very "do you see?".

Natasha Bedingfield obviously has a bit of an up-hill struggle, but Single is an interesting Nelly Furtado-like bit of off-kilter pop (a lovely touch is her singing off-key melody on the pre-chorus). The video tries to split the difference between Dido's "single girl in the modern world" and Janet's "all right, who wants some?".

The Darkness again.

Alicia Keys again.

God, the video for Let Forever Be is great. Though maybe it tips us off that it isn't a particularly dance song. Noel could play it with his regular band no problem, in some fairy wonderland where the fountains spurted gold coins.

Beyonce's Naughty Girl video is full of "what if the Cotton Club was a bordello" atmosphere, but not actually any good. Song never reaches lift-off, or anything like it.

Amy Studt - Misfit: ..and all she ever wanted was to be popular.

N.E.R.D. again.

Outkast again.

The only problem with the video for Bohemian Like You by the Dandy Warhols is that they cant use the idea (a karaoke version of the song) more than once. It's suits them well - you get the "plot" (hipsters tring to get laid) with the excellent libretto laid out for you to see, and then at the end while the band are wigging out you get the hipsters making fools of themselves singing along. You're laughing with them at them with them - like a 21st century version of Game for A Laugh.

The Rasmus again.

Jamie Cullum again.

Britney again.

Christina Milian again.

One of the things about getting older is that when you change, you wonder if you can change back. I suspect I can't change back to liking Blur in their cheeky chappie era (Parklife in this instance), and that's a bit of a shame. I enjoyed enjoying this. NB: this only covers certain songs off Parklife/The Great Escape, and should in no way be taken to extend to moments of genius like On Your Own, or indeed This Is A Low.

Usher again.

Nelly Furtado - Powerless: bah previous comment bah. Pretty kickin' banjo core more conventional pop vocal.

Snow Patrol again.

Sugababes again.

Fefe Dobson again.

Christina Aguilera, L'il Kim, Mya & Pink - Lady Marmalade: Pink - the original suicide girl? Missy stays off the list of featured artists for a longer and more entertaining cameo than the offical Justin one in Where Is The Love.

The Black Eyed Peas again.

Fountains Of Wayne again.

Dido again.

D12 again.

The Darkness again.

Blink 182 again.

Beyonce again.

The Streets again.

Robbie Williams - Rock DJ a fine track, the video shows a self-deprecating side that hasn't aged well due to Ant & Dec stealing his schtick. Also they cut away early, like fools.

Outkast again.

Evanescence - My Immortal: slow piano number of the sort that should have been banned after Tori Amos's Little Earthquakes. when it "takes off" for a few seconds it's sub- guns n roses shite.

Eamon again. It is a really catchy song even without the swearing hook.

The Rasmus again.

I had stuff written about how there are some things that American Rock (specifically 3 Doors Down) shouldn't do, like indie lovelornness. The line from Here Without You about how his girl is gone but he still has her in his dreams, and "tonight, it's only you and me" is pretty fucking creepy coming from a tattooed frat boy. But a last listen to the song reveals that he isn't actually lovelorn, he's just in a long distance relationship! Tracking down whether this stays the case for the rest of the song is made difficult by the fact that I can't concentrate on most of the verses. The nicklebacian tone of voice and the weight of violins means my mind just slides off everytime I try to concentrate on it.

Britney again.

Before their current inescapable hit, Black Eyed Peas had another inescapable hit in Where is The Love. The video's pretty straightforward "terrorists for making you think" that the Chemical Brothers took the piss out of in Out Of Control

In fairness, Maroon 5 are more like a photocopy of Terence Trent Darby than the real thing, but this still makes their new song, This Love, an intriguing business to me. I don't really know if I'll figure anything out about it, or just enjoy it.

Things we can learn from Linkin Park's In The End: if you want instant cred and atmosphere to a goff nu-metal track, USE THE PIANNER! I don't actually mind Linkin Park, they seem quite nice fellows really, not uber-macho nutjobs. This is all down to the lead singer. Partly his previously mentioned shades of Sting (played down here) and also the fact that he's called Chester Bennington. I ask you.

The Da Vinci Code

Just read The Da Vinci Code too. A good plane book. But there were several things that annoyed me about it.

(Been reading other historical mystery-type books recently, reviews will follow)

SPOILERS!

On the mechanical level, the book was full of instances where the author didn't tell you what the characters were seeing. This was particularly irritating in a small, localized way in the case of the last rhyming clue, which was revealed basically a line at a time for no reason, or at least for no reason inherent in the narrative. In the handling of What Sophie Saw In The Cellar, it damages the entire book. The event itself, when described, can't hold up the weight of the buildup to it, and Sophie's reaction seems that of another character stitched on to her for plot reasons.

(Aside: I wouldn't say Courage Under Fire is underrated, exactly, but it's rare in that there's A Dark Secret, and the characters react to it in extreme ways, and when it's eventually revealed the secret is genuinely dark enough to satisfyingly motivate what the characters did. Can anyone think of other examples? Unfortunately, I have a feeling that the genre I'm thinking of is more specific than the description I just gave, so any examples you do come up with I'll probably rule out of consideration)

On a broader level... it seemed to me that the book was artificially small. Once you realised it was a whowuzbehindit, you could work out who the who was by the standard Hollywood method of spotting the otherwise superfluous character. (Not that I did, I hasten to add). It starts off promising to be a galaxy-spanning epic, ripping the skin off the maggotty carcass of the Church &c. It ends with the Grail merely a McGuffin and the characters, all of whom have shown that they are good at keeping secrets, deciding that the wisest course of action is to keep a secret. If all you have is a hammer... This decision should have been the emotional climax of the book, and it pretty much slides by.

And on a yet broader level... I was interested by the idea that it would be the Catholic Church that would be most threatened by the surfacing of alternative Gospels, considering that of all the Western Christian churches the Catholics have the least invested in the literal truth of the Bible. Arguably, they're the most fucked-up about women and sexuality, and that could be the motivation. Still, it would have been nice to go more inside the head of the sinister Opus Dei bishop guy and find out a bit more about what he was hoping to do with the documents when he got them.

But, still, a rockin' good read, even if it lost momentum towards the end. Like Eamonn, I was interested enough to go and poke around online and see if the clues held up. Nice Madonna of the Rocks available here. Dan Brown describes her hand as scarily claw-like, but I don't see that at all; however, what I do see is that her hand and the angel's pointing finger are enclosing an invisible head, exactly the same size as the baby Jesus's, in what seems a clear reference to John the Baptist's head being cut off. Very strange... I presume Dan Brown is right here that the baby on the right is John, not Jesus, because it really looks like it should be the other way round.

One final comment: it's nice to read a book that starts with the phrase "Noted curator..." and be able to go ah, yes, we're in a comforting universe where curators are noted. Now that's writing.

Triangle

Bit feeble to post this as an entry, I suppose, but here's my Amazon review of it...

PS up to 134195th most useful Amazon reviewer!

David von Drehle's "Triangle" brings alive the world of the early 20th century. New York climbs ever higher; the tallest building is 700 ft, and new ten-storey skyscrapers seem to go up every day. Yet another wave of immigrants crashes ashore. Yet another generation of Tammany politicians take them under their wing. The garment industry industrialises. The process moves from piecework in apartments and basements to factory floors, stuck, improbably, on the eighth and ninth and tenth floors of newly-opened fireproof buildings. Factory owners block the 54-hour week. Women strikers are beaten up by hired muscle; the police arrest the strikers (the owners pay Tammany too much for them to do anything else); wealthy socialites bail the women out.

In the spring of 1911, a fire took hold in the cut-off fabric in the bins of the Triangle shirtwaist (blouse) company. The company was scientifically organized, with open floors for easier movement of materials from one point to another on the production line (although they didn't yet use that term). Not a square inch of space was wasted, as the useless area under the tables was boarded on either side and turned into bins for wasted scraps of cloth. This scientific approach was what made it possible for the fire to take hold and spread so quickly. It crossed the eighth floor in five minutes and leapt up the airshaft. Within ten minutes, more than 140 ninth-floor workers had died. Almost everyone on both the eighth and the tenth floors survived.

Von Drehle describes those fifteen minutes vividly and evocatively. Split-second decisions and luck made the difference between life and death. He brings out the individuality of the victims and how lucky many of them felt to be working in such a relatively well-run factory. And he brings out the horror of those who were unable to save them.

The subsequent reaction to the fire and the pressure that finally got laws passed in 1913 to improve workplace safety are both well described. However, the perspective is entirely a New York one. It would have been interesting to have this put in the context of the nationwide Progressive movement, its peak in 1912 (the 1912 Presidential election isn't even mentioned) and its gradual decline.

The description of the trial is gripping. Just as in the fire itself, minor strokes of luck made all the difference to the outcome. Von Drehle points out the tragic mistakes made by the defence, and the previous and subsequent history of the Triangle owners with fires, particularly fires at the end of the season in March that conveniently destroyed unwanted inventory. He points out how the insurance system did little to encourage fire prevention, and leaves the impression of the owners as people who looked on fire as just another commercial risk (and not necessarily a bad risk at that) as opposed to something life-threatening and to be taken seriously.

For me, though, perhaps the most striking image was the description of the investigating police going up to the burnt-out factory after the fire and finding the floors and walls and fixtures still intact. The building was fireproof as advertised. The contents, and tragically the people who worked there, weren't.

3 Hours of MTV II

But irony doesn't only operate along the neopets axis of value. If we give up the idea of "liking kazaa things ironically" as we surely should that pokemon doesn't mean our aesthetics are suddenly irony-free. christmas (To claim this would be as silly as all those dragonball pundits saying that irony was dead post-9/11.) atkins diet Because irony can also refer to other kinds inuyasha of incongruity, can't it? Like for instance michael phelps

Usher again

Coldplay - The Scientist again

Christina Milian again

Universally Speaking is where I recognised the guy from By The Way from, he's the plucky loser who keep trying to get into the RHCP concert

Outkast again

Sugababes again

Nothing gets heads nodding, like a great G-Funk track, and Forgot about DRE is definitely one of those. Possibly the best video with a fake news report in the middle. Which stars Eminem to much better effect than the actual track.

Blink 182 again. I wish this track was 10% less catchy, then I wouldn't like it.

After Thank You's up-to-the minute R'n'B, there is a very 80's feel to Jamelia's next single Superstar, and the video underlines that, more by well-observed details than cliche Wild Boys

Look out, nu-metal has it's own Placebo, and it's name is The Rasmus. The opnly good thing about the video for In The shadows is that the lead singer, in profile, looks like a Jamie Hewlett cartoon.

Linkin Park - Numb. Nu-metal, where is thy sting? Oh, there he is. Cracking Tune, mind.

Snow Patrol again

Destiny's Child - Jumpin Jumpin: Always in movement, a picture of the moment.

Black Eyed Peas again

Britney again

Someone would presumably be fired if I found anything interesting to say about the video for The Voice Within other than "it's one very long shot" or "Christina Aguilera has large breasts", so best leave it at that.

N.E.R.D. again

I don't remember seeing TLC's Unpretty before, but the video for this Waterfalls-like number does a bit of cake-related trickery in pushing "everyone is beautiful as they as are" while dwelling quite a bit on how foine the trio themselves are. Points for straightfaced use of "the man" in the chorus, though.

Jamie Cullum - Frontin' Stop this sick white boys funk filth now!

Jamelia - Thank You again

The Darkness again

When I said there should be more horn in music, I'm Really Hot is what I meant. PRAAARP! Standard glorious Missy madness applied to Kill Bill in the video.

Ray of Light still sounds like music that a forty year old shouldn't be making.

Nelly Furtado again

Travis - Love Will Come Through again

The Strokes - 12:51 again

George Michael again

Usher again

Outkast again

Basement Jaxx - Plug It In one joke for one joke

The Hives again

Tefe Dobson again

Sugababes again

Black Eyed Peas again

Collage videos are tricky at best, and having the collages sprout mouths and singthe song hasn't got any easier since Joel Veitch started ruling the roost with his RatherGood creations, but Franz Ferdinand's Take Me Out has a lovely retro victoriana feel too it, to go along with the rehashed white stripes song

Christina Milian again

Family Affair is not in essence a different video, or a differnet song, from Jumpin Jumpin, but while the DC girls disappear in the moment, this is all about Mary J Blige. Who is the person not getting the drama, you see.

The song If I Ain't Got You by Alicia Keys is a pretty simple love song, not a million miles lyrically from Money Can't Buy Me Love, but the video is pretty confused, providing Alicia with a considerate and extravagant boyfriend who then goes out at night to get more milk and then gets sent off to pokey because he swaps cars with a drug dealer. What?

Britney again

I think Janet Jackson has spotted an opportunity, and her new video for Just A Little While reminds us that she is also a Jackson, and can work wonders with Black & White-style guitars. It also keeps clearly in mind subtle differences that indicate that she will never end up in court, embarassing herself and making us all wonder a bit about this whole stardom thing, and is it really a good idea? It does this by starring her breasts a lot. But the thing is, she's also followed Michael down the dark path of cosmetic surgery, and when she smiles during the video, you can hear a certain creak, and see a flash of her brother in her. And nobody actually wants that, certainly not in an ode to how much she likes that unspecified lovin'.

Founatins of Wayne again

Blink 182 again

Jamelia - Thank you again

All Tomorrow's Parties

I'm at All Tomorrow's Parties. Is this the equivalent of posting to tcd.talk from the Trinity Ball?