3 hours of MTV III

This is actually from not last Sunday, not the Sunday before that, but actually the one before that. Only sheer unadulterated sloth has held it over to what Now! Magazine is calling Beckham Crisis: Week 2.

The Darkness again

Beyonce - Naughty Girl a lot of burlesque for a not very good song.

Maroon 5 again

Outkast again

Snow Patrol again

I'm not particularly familiar with Blue, I know they've been around a while as a boy band but never had a track to fit their name to. So now know I know they're behind the courtroom-based All Rise, which I've heard a bit around without fully getting the extent to which it follows it's theme. I have to wonder how this sort of song gets written - does some guy keep a notebook full of ways in which bits of life can imitate heartbreak and when a category is full it's song time? Or does he sit down and think "today I'm going a song about love and the legal process"? It's actually really good at what it is - the protagonist is laying out his case on the grounds that he loved her and provided for her, but like all these type of songs he's singing to the echo chamber of his head, and you get the impression he can't even get a fair break there. A little awkward to talk about the protagonist when there's four people singing, but good enough for the Beatles etc. The video is quite dull - they sit down on stools in the dark at first, then the lights come up, then they stand up, then they each jump around - quite reminiscent of a strippers act, really (Call Morris McWhirter! I've made the most original observation ever!)

I've already done The Rasmus once, but they're back with a brand new video for In The Shadows, which is an improvement over the Frozen-meets-Virtual-Insanity of the first one, but only just. It's about a Victorian maid who feels the strange call of a modern concert by The 'mus, and is pulled through time and space, because they Really Understand Her.

Get Busy, in which Sean Paul goes to a party, and some pretty ladies dance. The world trembles.

Dido is strange. She's a whipping-girl around ILX and so being contrarian I sometimes think "she can't be that bad". And occasionally I hear something like Don't Leave Home off her current album Alanis Morissette Died For My Sins, and I think "fair play, she's written a song about heroin". Then I see the video, and realise that she really is just writing a song about how she will be the only thing you'll ever need, and her love will keep you warm. Eek.

Britney again.

Janet Jackson again.

The video for the still annoyingly listenable If This Ain't Love (featuring the birth of Ms Plastic Fanstastic) appears to have only one joke - that asian people are very short compared to Mr. Spiller. Fortunately, it has the same hidden joke as every Jamiroquai track - the performer is a twat and everyone knows it.

Usher again.

Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face: die die die (but first record an album of Clocks-like anthems to be released whenever I need a pick-me-up, please)

Thanks to the internet, I have an album full of Streets loops, where each song is just 10 seconds repeated for the full length of the song. It's actually made the waiting so much worse. As has the gem of a single You're Fit But You Know It. Which sounds a lot more like Madness than I would have imagined.

Sugababes again.

The Black Eyed Peas again.

Bleeping a video for D12 can obviously cause problems, but most of the lyrical flow on My Band comes through fairly clearly. The song is about how Eminem is pissed off that he's the only person people recognize in D12, and it's pretty good, but the it flags in the second half, where the rest of D12 get a verse to echo the same sentiments. It's quite strange, because it doesn't really go anywhere - it's conflict without resolution. And also because it's pretty obvious why this is the case: only one of the people in the band is Eminem. It's like a Blur single sung by Dave Rowntree about how no-one ever remembers him.

I haven't heard of Eamon before but his @£$% You (I Don't Want You Back) is either a genius idea - a sweary song which creeps up on you in it's Robbie Neville/Charles & Eddie disguise before you actually recognize what's going on, which MTV have fucked up by bleeping it, or a completely genius idea - IE the above but with the ahhs and stabs and other cover-up sounds as integral parts of the music. If it is the latter it should probably be pointed out that it was Chris Morris' genius idea first.

Come Into My World is from the period when Kylie was destroying the sound of Kylie in favour of being a daft punk-like robot. The video is clever but very "do you see?".

Natasha Bedingfield obviously has a bit of an up-hill struggle, but Single is an interesting Nelly Furtado-like bit of off-kilter pop (a lovely touch is her singing off-key melody on the pre-chorus). The video tries to split the difference between Dido's "single girl in the modern world" and Janet's "all right, who wants some?".

The Darkness again.

Alicia Keys again.

God, the video for Let Forever Be is great. Though maybe it tips us off that it isn't a particularly dance song. Noel could play it with his regular band no problem, in some fairy wonderland where the fountains spurted gold coins.

Beyonce's Naughty Girl video is full of "what if the Cotton Club was a bordello" atmosphere, but not actually any good. Song never reaches lift-off, or anything like it.

Amy Studt - Misfit: ..and all she ever wanted was to be popular.

N.E.R.D. again.

Outkast again.

The only problem with the video for Bohemian Like You by the Dandy Warhols is that they cant use the idea (a karaoke version of the song) more than once. It's suits them well - you get the "plot" (hipsters tring to get laid) with the excellent libretto laid out for you to see, and then at the end while the band are wigging out you get the hipsters making fools of themselves singing along. You're laughing with them at them with them - like a 21st century version of Game for A Laugh.

The Rasmus again.

Jamie Cullum again.

Britney again.

Christina Milian again.

One of the things about getting older is that when you change, you wonder if you can change back. I suspect I can't change back to liking Blur in their cheeky chappie era (Parklife in this instance), and that's a bit of a shame. I enjoyed enjoying this. NB: this only covers certain songs off Parklife/The Great Escape, and should in no way be taken to extend to moments of genius like On Your Own, or indeed This Is A Low.

Usher again.

Nelly Furtado - Powerless: bah previous comment bah. Pretty kickin' banjo core more conventional pop vocal.

Snow Patrol again.

Sugababes again.

Fefe Dobson again.

Christina Aguilera, L'il Kim, Mya & Pink - Lady Marmalade: Pink - the original suicide girl? Missy stays off the list of featured artists for a longer and more entertaining cameo than the offical Justin one in Where Is The Love.

The Black Eyed Peas again.

Fountains Of Wayne again.

Dido again.

D12 again.

The Darkness again.

Blink 182 again.

Beyonce again.

The Streets again.

Robbie Williams - Rock DJ a fine track, the video shows a self-deprecating side that hasn't aged well due to Ant & Dec stealing his schtick. Also they cut away early, like fools.

Outkast again.

Evanescence - My Immortal: slow piano number of the sort that should have been banned after Tori Amos's Little Earthquakes. when it "takes off" for a few seconds it's sub- guns n roses shite.

Eamon again. It is a really catchy song even without the swearing hook.

The Rasmus again.

I had stuff written about how there are some things that American Rock (specifically 3 Doors Down) shouldn't do, like indie lovelornness. The line from Here Without You about how his girl is gone but he still has her in his dreams, and "tonight, it's only you and me" is pretty fucking creepy coming from a tattooed frat boy. But a last listen to the song reveals that he isn't actually lovelorn, he's just in a long distance relationship! Tracking down whether this stays the case for the rest of the song is made difficult by the fact that I can't concentrate on most of the verses. The nicklebacian tone of voice and the weight of violins means my mind just slides off everytime I try to concentrate on it.

Britney again.

Before their current inescapable hit, Black Eyed Peas had another inescapable hit in Where is The Love. The video's pretty straightforward "terrorists for making you think" that the Chemical Brothers took the piss out of in Out Of Control

In fairness, Maroon 5 are more like a photocopy of Terence Trent Darby than the real thing, but this still makes their new song, This Love, an intriguing business to me. I don't really know if I'll figure anything out about it, or just enjoy it.

Things we can learn from Linkin Park's In The End: if you want instant cred and atmosphere to a goff nu-metal track, USE THE PIANNER! I don't actually mind Linkin Park, they seem quite nice fellows really, not uber-macho nutjobs. This is all down to the lead singer. Partly his previously mentioned shades of Sting (played down here) and also the fact that he's called Chester Bennington. I ask you.