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2003 andrew said: "Glasto (the small bits)"

This'll just be a rundown, guided by the always-handy Guardian Guide. I think I have a longer piece coming up later.

(actually I just realised that the great Audio Bullys track is only 2:17 long. Possibly it'd wear out its welcome if it was longer. Maybe their second place status (in my head) is related to the fact that they're a rapper and a DJ rather than a bedroom wizard)

Friday

The Darkness are a great opening band, as much energy and confidence on the big stage as Shibusashirazu Orchestra had the previous year. They play metal/hard rock in a AC/DC style, with a glammed up, high-pitched, phenomenally ugly lead singer who isn't afraid to attempt a headstand in the middle of one of their songs. Apart from a song entitled Get your hands off my woman, motherfucker, there's a brilliant speed metal cover of Street Spirit by "The Radioheads". At this point, I consider myself to have already got value for money for my ticket. Though the fact that I blanch at paying 23 quid to see them by themselves in October indicates some funny maths might have been going on.

Next up was retiring to my tent to lie down for several hours until my First Ever Hangover fucked off. This action was made possible by a nice bit of rain, which however did nothing for friends who went down to see the Inspiral Carpets and Echo and the Bunnymen. I understand they were much as you'd expect.

wander wander, but back to the New Bands tent for I Am Kloot. They remind me a lot of Mull Historical Society, in that they're jangly one-person-and-a-band stuff, but there's a flatter sense of menace to their songs, a bleakness that Colin Wossname doesn't have.

Then into the Dance Tent for the Audio Bullys, wherein everyone I know went "weird, I would've thought the skinny guy was the MC". They were pretty good, went through the record (which I'm not incredibly familar with), and at one point played a bit of Fatboy's Slim's remix of Renegade Master, which caused me to think I should maybe give him another chance.

At some point I flee to Check out the Electric Six, but they appear to be out of tricks and back to rock posturing, so off quick to see Suede who are, er, rock posturing. Brett is all "yeah!" and "come on" and too fucking young-looking. Somewhere in his attic is a portrait of a haggard old man, mark my words. On the other hand, that teenage guitarist is wearing out pretty quickly. hmmm. Anyway, the great thing about Suede live is that they know they're time in the sun is over, so they go on making albums that they want to, like last year's fine A New Morning, or the throughly excellent Coming Up. There are no hidden treasures, but the singles are fantastic, and that's what you get. Particular mention to the live version of Can't Get Enough, which rubs itself drunkenly up against you in a manner that's most becoming, now that I think of it. They still make the new boy wear white though, while the rest of the back slinks around in black.

Then nip back to the New Bands Tent for Junior Senior, which I'm at the back for. They seem nice and energetic, but I'm in exactly the wrong mood for them. Plus I've never actually heard anything by them, whihc is a little unfair.

Time passes, and it's off to see Fat Boy Slim in the Dance Tent. It's pretty good, and he does some nice trickery with a sample that goes "Put your hands in the air!", but it's not knocking my socks off, so over to the Other Stage, and Primal Scream.

I think I'm on record as saying that my opinion of the 'Scream is "indie bozos - clappy hippies - rock throwbacks - 'experimental' wasters - getting interesting - wahey!" The gig featured a lot of their career (though thankfully nothing from the indie bozos period, and only the singles from rock throwbacks), and it rocked me from top to bottom. Shoot Speed Kill Light with Kevin Shields on board is fantastic, though you could clearly see him during Rocks thinking "Here I am, brain the size of a planet..". The closing Loaded (always my favourite, to be honest) shows off the other member that makes them indie supergroup juggernaut: When Mani starts playing That Bassline, you forget that there's ever been any other bassline ever.

And then to the Vice party in the Lock Tavern, where Erol Alkan plays the hits (Jay-& Beyonce, 50cent, Benny Benassi and another thing that we'll get to later). Then the Audio Bullys turned up and played some excellent old techno, until it became clear that it was just for the MC to repeat his earlier set. so home, and bed.

(will try harder to get the rest of this down properly)

Saturday

The Polyphonic Spree Why do the cult leaders always hit the pies after they get the whole thing rolling. It looks like Tim DeLaughter might cheerily start vomiting at any point. Also it looks like the band is composed entirely of hobbits. They make a nice sound, mind.

Erol Alkan plays the same set again.

It might have been a better idea for DJ Swamp to just be billed as the winner of whatever tricks content he won to get the gig.

I get most of the way across the Pyramid Stage before Radiohead start, and end up with my back to that giant Green Metal Wall which look like latrine walls but aren't (but are). The sight of a river of people passing by while some try futilely to go the other way actually puts me right in the mood for the set, but I eventually disappear after six or seven songs. Wish I didn't hurt so much.

John Cale is completely mental. But in a slow way, so I go to bed.

Sunday

DJ Format & Abdominal is decent DJ and wacky MC. Reminded me a lot of Supernatural, but his freestyling was rubbish.

I arrive at the Pyramid stage as The Waterboys leave a bit early in order to get an encore in. Cheeky Scamps. And it wasn't one I knew, so they must have played all the hits earlier. A true showman, that man Scott.

Asian Dub Foundation kick ass and take names. They must've had a problem when their hyper energetic frontman Deeder went for a walk last year, but they've had the brilliant idea of replacing him with two younger MCs, with terrifying coordination. They've split the personality traits between them: one's tough and cocky, the other looks smarter, due to accessorizing his glasses with a Gambler's peak.
They still make a better party than pretty much every other band.

Sugababes don't, though it's nice to see them moving their own mikestands. A really short set, though.

The Rapture sound like their influences. I don't like their influences.

Dave Gahan, as we pass, plays something that turns out not to be Personal Jesus, but a solo song that just happens to sound a lot like it.

Flint are enjoyable rubbish, provided you're back at your tent listening to something else.

Doves have been making stadium-sized lumps of emotion since they were playing tiny clubs, so that they rise to the occasion isn't really surprising. But surprise isn't part of the package, to be honest.

No LOTR last thing on the cinema field this year, due to weather or copyright, depending on who you believe. So they try to shoo off the massive crowd that's turned up, then decide to play Rocky Horror. Thanks a fucking bunch.